A Sentimental Post

Hey people, it’s been a while.

I apologize if you’ve missed me. 

You know how life just happens sometimes, and there are so many things that you want to do, but you never get around to doing them?  Or how they always get put on the back burner?  Well, anyways, it’s not time for making excuses.

One of the things I struggle the most with in life is change.  I really can’t believe I’m really about to sit and type out the words that describe the whole experience for me, but here I am, and I’ll most likely share some things.  So lucky you.

I’ve been meaning to sit down and write another blog post, and every time I think about it, I ask myself, “well, what do you want to blog about?”

I was on my old laptop a month or so ago, and so I got to see the pictures that I have as the slideshow for my desktop background.  I was finishing up the quiz things that I had to take for the Study Abroad Office for me to go with the wind ensemble to Italy, and I got done and exited out of all of the programs I had up, preparing to shut down my computer, hop in the shower, and head to bed.

But then I saw the picture that was my background at that moment.

It was a picture of me and my four best friends from high school, four amazing ladies that I’ve been through more with than I can honestly remember.  It was the day before graduation, and we had met up at my house to take pictures together in our caps and gowns.

I sat there and looked at the picture, and I thought, “that’s us, we’re those girls, but that’s not who we are anymore.”  In that moment, I thought about how different we all are from that day, and it hasn’t even been a year since that picture was taken.  There are differences that I love, and there are differences that I’m still adjusting to, or at least don’t particularly like.

Like how during high school I got so used to seeing them every day for a large part of the day, and then I got to college and that stopped.  It was a weird adjustment, because it was just something I had accepted as the norm, and I took it for granted.

The first few months of college was a struggle for me as I battled with myself, constantly having to remind myself that this wasn’t high school.  Things were different, and I had to get used to new surroundings and new people, and eventually I did.  I have a group of friends from college that I spent so much time with between band and just hanging out, and now my norm is seeing them every day.  So now that summer’s here, I’ve got yet another adjustment to make.  But I’ll be fine.  I’m looking forward to catching up with old friends.

But anyways, I wanted to elaborate more on the line “that’s us, we’re those girls, but that’s not who we are anymore.”  At the time that picture was taken, we were five nearly high school graduates, practically babies in the grand scheme of things. 

I was in an awkward spot in my life.  For the first time in years, I wasn’t having to stress over my grades.  I was Valedictorian, it was official, and the time-consuming activity that had literally consumed me for the past four years was gone.  It felt like a ginormous weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, which is relieving, but it also felt strange, almost empty.  I had been reaching for and grasping at Valedictorian for so long that it felt weird to not be thinking about the next test I needed to ace.

So there was that awkward weight-lifted-go-to-activity-ripped-away feeling, and I was also stressed and confused over strained relationships with some special friends.

We all five were worn out from a busy four years, but we were excited for college at the same time. 

I really didn’t know what was going to happen next, and I don’t think most high school graduates ever do.  All I knew was that the five of us were going to three different colleges, with me and two of them going to the same one.

I didn't even know for sure if I would still be friends with all four of them at that time the next year.  I’m so glad to say that I am. 

We all grew up so much in our first year of college.  I watched the two friends at college with me grow into even better people and even stronger Christians.  Watching them grow has been such a blessing to me.  It’s been so great for the three of us to have this renewed friendship, one where we’re less stupid, less bitter, and more empathetic and supportive.  We’ve seen what idiots and jerks we were to each other in high school, and we’re bigger people now. I don’t claim to be perfect, and I’m sure neither do they, but we’re getting better, and it probably helps that we’re finally getting all our hormones somewhat under control.

We've all five made plans for the future, and we're working to get there.  We're more aware of our surroundings and the implications of our actions.

And I personally cherish even more than ever before the old friendships I have, the ones I’ve had for years, the ones that I still have today.  At college, I’ve heard the stories of so many people who felt alone in high school, alienated and friendless.  I’ve heard how college has been so fantastic for them as for the first time in forever there are people that appreciate them and connect with them.

I didn't have that kind of experience in college because I didn’t come from a traumatic, friendless high school experience.  I had four friends who helped me through all of my tough times and celebrated with me in all of my happy ones.  They knew me, they understood how weird and emotional and paranoid I can be, and they loved me anyways, and they still do.  I’ve got new friends in college, and they’re all so fantastic, but I’ll always be thankful for those four girls and what they’ve done for me.

And no matter the distance, I’ll make the effort to stay friends.  Because I know at the end of the day, I can call them with a problem, and they’ll always pick up the phone.

So the five of us are and aren’t the girls in that graduation picture.  We’ve moved on, we’ve grown out of that stage in our lives, and I’m glad we did.

So many things have changed for me in a year, including my relationship with each of them, but I’m glad one that thing hasn’t changed, and that’s the fact that I have a relationship with each of them.

So there’s one sentimental post for you.  I’m going to try my hardest to get back in a regular blogging swing.

I leave for Italy soon, so there’s that blog to look forward to.

Have a great day!

Mo