Monday, November 18, 2013

An Unlucky Paper

Friday the 13th of April, 2012 is a day that will live in infamy.

Why, you ask?

It’s the day I found out I had failed my first research paper.

For those of you that don’t know me well enough, failing at anything academic was one of my biggest fears in high school.  I was on the quest for valedictorian, and plus failing was just degrading to my pride.

So if just failing in general was a huge deal for me, you can imagine how bad failing a research paper shook me up.

A lot, if you couldn’t figure that out.

Before I tell the story, there are a few things you should know:
1)      English and I have never gotten along well to begin with
2)      I still and always will love my English teacher.  She’s a great woman.
3)      Research Papers are a big deal in high school

So, people, let’s begin.

Once upon a time, I was a little Junior in high school (literally, I’m relatively short).  It was second semester, which meant I was in AP English.  All Juniors and Seniors in our school (and I’m pretty sure the entire state, but don’t quote me on that) are required to write a research paper.

Each student gets a different topic and has to write a paper on said topic.  Seems easy enough, right?

The way my teacher assigned us our topics was as follows:
1)      She gave us a list of all the topics to choose from
2)      We all drew a number
3)      Who ever got #1 picked his/her topic first, and so on and so forth until everyone had picked
4)      That’s what you got
5)      If she was merciful and you got a bad topic because you were the last to pick, she would let you look at the leftover topics from the other class and get one of those

I’m pretty sure I drew like #3 or something.  I know I was early on.  At least I think so.  Anyways, that’s irrelevant.  I had lots of choices, and I decided on Alfred Hitchcock and his influences on American movies.  Or something like that.  It was about Alfred Hitchcock.

I love movies and all, so I knew I would enjoy this.  And I did.  I learned a lot from doing this paper.

But anyways, we all got our topics and then started the long and painstaking process.

1)      Write a thesis statement
2)      Write your thesis statement on a 3 x 5 ruled index card
3)      Turn in thesis statement
4)      Receive graded thesis statement back
5)      Make an outline
6)      Turn in outline
7)      Receive graded outline back
8)      Find your sources (credible ones, and so many have to be books, not online stuff)
9)      Print off/ make copies of all of your sources
10)   Make bib cards with 3 x 5 index cards
11)   Give yourself a pep talk
12)   Write a rough draft
13)   Edit rough draft
14)   Highlight the words on your source copies that you used from every source
15)   Turn in rough draft
16)   Receive graded rough draft back
17)   Edit appropriately
18)   Continue editing until you get so sick of editing that you can’t look at your paper one more time
19)   Realize you still have to look at your paper
20)   Cry
21)   Check for plagiarism
22)   Check all of your source copies and make sure they’re highlighted
23)   Staple source copies (each source is stapled separately)
24)   Paper clip bib cards to their corresponding source copies
25)   Alphabetize source copies
26)   Do any or all of the following: cry, scream, growl, or throw something
27)   Put everything in your fresh, new clasp envelope in a very precise order which I cannot remember exactly.  Just know that it includes your rubric, ORIGINAL graded thesis statement and outline, final draft of your paper, alphabetized source copies that you used, alphabetized source copies that you have but didn’t use, and probably something else (your birth certificate and social security card perhaps?).
28)   Write your name, class name, teacher name, and the date the paper is due in sharpie on the front of your clasp envelope
29)   Go to school on the day the paper is due
30)   Walk around the school with this look of paranoia in your eyes
31)   Go almost immediately to your English’s teacher’s room because the paper is due before the tardy bell rings for 1st block, regardless of when you have English
32)   Take a huge breath
33)   Double and triple check your envelope to make sure you have everything
34)   Take another huge breath
35)   Put your envelope in the basket
36)   Wait for your paper to be graded

At least that was the process I followed.  My teacher has this whole thing down to a science.  A scary, intimidating, stressful science.

The thing about research papers, however, is that they have lots of different rules that apply to them.  All I had ever written up to that point was essays, and they’re all my thoughts and words, so there’s not the whole plagiarism thing to worry about.

But with research papers, you have to cite everything.  And I mean everything.  You can’t mention anything that another person said without acknowledging that that person said that.  It makes sense, I suppose, but it’s such a difficult process.

There are three ways to avoid plagiarism:
1)      Paraphrasing
2)      Summarizing
3)      Quoting

Paraphrasing means saying what the source said but in different words.  The definition we learn in elementary and middle school is, “saying something in your own words,” but really it’s just saying it in words that the original author did not use.

For instance, pretend I said, “Morgan likes to ride her bike on days with nice summer weather,” you could paraphrase it like this, “When the summer weather is pleasant, Morgan enjoys riding her bike.”

I’ve neither really ever understood exactly what summarizing is nor can I give you an example of it, so just get over yourself.

Quoting means you take exactly what the source says and put it in your paper, except you have to put quotation marks around it to show that it isn’t your words.  The thing about it, though, is that only a certain percentage of my paper could consist of directly quoted words.

The annoying thing is, though, that some words are not easily paraphrased.  For instance, in my bike example, I used both the words “summer,” “weather,” and “bike” in my paraphrased sentence.  Because those words were in the original source, I have to put quotation marks around them.  So in my paper, the sentence would look like this:

When the “summer weather” is pleasant, Morgan enjoys riding her “bike.”

It looks weird when you’re first doing it, but you get used to it. 

Oh, and proper nouns don’t have to be quoted.  There really isn’t a way to paraphrase my name.  I mean, you could say “the most awesome girl you’ll ever know,” or “a super cool person,” but that’s not really appropriate I’m sure my English teacher would say.

And then, as if that’s not enough, after every time you mention a source, you have to cite where exactly it came from.  These things are called internal citations.  Say my bike sentence came from page 34 of the book One Cool Person by John Doe.  In the paper, the sentence would now look like this:

When the “summer weather” is pleasant, Morgan enjoys riding her “bike” (Doe 34).

It’s important to remember that punctuation marks always go after the parentheses, unless they’re quotation marks as in this case (this includes commas).  

And then of course you have to list all of your sources in alphabetical order in the proper MLA format on your works cited page.  Don’t get me started on MLA format and works cited pages.  We’ll be here all day.

Overall, writing a research paper is a long, painstaking process when you’re trying to do it correctly, which was my goal.

To make things worse, there are certain mistakes that will result in an automatic 50 or 0, depending on the mistake.  Plagiarism?  Automatic 0.  No internal citations?  Automatic 0.  No bib cards?  Automatic 50.  More than a certain percentage of your paper is quoted?  Automatic 50.

There’s more automatic reductions, and they’re all scary things.

So where, you ask, did I go wrong?

First I’m going to take you through the day when we got back our graded papers.

It was Friday, April 13th, 2012.  My teacher has this mean sense of humor and purposely gave them back on Friday the 13th.

She waited until the end of class to give us back our papers so that we wouldn’t have to sit through the whole class period and be a pain to deal with.  So there were about 30ish minutes before the bell would ring when she started handing them back.

We were all sitting in our desks, and she pulled out the dreaded basket, filled with envelopes.

Oh, how my heart was pounding.

She went around passing them out, and one by one we looked at our grades.  I will say, my teacher was very considerate for this reason: she graded the paper and all and wrote the grade on the rubric, but she also wrote our final grade right under the flap of the envelope so all we would have to do was look at that.  If we couldn’t muster the strength to look at our paper, we didn’t have to.

She kept handing out more papers and my heart kept beating faster.  I had checked my paper so many times for plagiarism, I had counted every word and calculated how much was quoted material.  I had checked and checked and checked.

My best friends got theirs back.  All A’s.  That made me happy.  I didn’t want them to fail.  They didn’t deserve it.  No one did, really.

And then she laid my envelope on my desk. 

There it sat.

There was my name, the class name, my teacher’s name, and the due date, staring up at me.

This was it.

I picked up the envelope and turned it over.

I took a deep breath and looked under the flap.

50.

My heart immediately sank.

I sat there for a second in disbelief, staring at the 50, absorbed in my own world, a world where the only thing that existed was that envelope and that number.

And then I laid down my head and cried.

My teacher had said during the whole process that the ones that fail are always the ones that you least expect to do so.  The girl that would most likely be the valedictorian?  Most people, including myself, assumed I would do it correctly.

I only let myself cry for a few minutes.  I had to be strong, I kept telling myself.  I sat up and wiped away my tears and gathered the strength to take out my paper and find out what I had done wrong.

That’s the worst part.  Remember those internal citations I mentioned?  They must include both a word and a page number.  Somewhere among all my editing I accidentally erased one of the page numbers in one citation.

One number cost me 50 points.

I about kicked myself.

The whole time all this was going on, I could feel my best friends watching me, making glances in my direction to see how I was taking it.

And it was for them that I took my 50 with dignity.

My teacher has this option in place for anyone that scores lower than a 70.  You can get a brand new topic and write a brand new paper within a space of about two-three weeks for a chance to score at best an 80.  It really is a generous offer.

She had the paper we had to sign that had all the second-chance topics on it at the front of the room for us to grab.  Many people waited until glass was over to get one, but I got up from my desk, in front of everyone, and walked to the front of the room to get me a sheet.  Everyone knew I had failed.

I took my paper to my teacher and asked her to further explain where I had gone wrong and asked questions about the second-chance paper.  I was still in the aftermath of crying with the sniffling and all, but I was being strong.  She was so nice and patient with me, and I didn’t get mad at her, just myself.  I knew giving me a 50 had to be as hard on her as it was on me.  I’ve known her since I was five, so no big deal.  It’s just giving your daughter’s best friend a 50 on one of the biggest assignments of her Junior year.

And then I walked to my backpack, pulled out a bag of M & M’s, and walked over to where my best friends were sitting and talking and started to join the conversation.  Of course I could just feel the awkward tension, them being shocked at how well I was taking this whole failure thing.  We all talked, I smiled and laughed, and I ate my M & M’s.

Class ended and we all walked to our next class, which we had together.

Two girls who had failed checked out and went home.  A lot of the ones who failed sat like zombies in the next class, just still in shock really.

I smiled and laughed and talked to my best friend and stayed happy.  “This girl is handling her 50 like a pro!” she said.  I was so proud of myself.

Throughout the day, when I would see someone I knew, I would look at them and say, “I failed my research paper!” with a smile on my face.  I confused so many people.  It was so much fun!

My friends later told me just how happy they were about how I handled my 50 and the entire day.  Based on past experiences, they had every reason to believe that I would act chronically depressed and just be a pain to deal with the rest of the day.  But I didn’t want to put them through that.  They had made A’s, and they deserved to be happy, and I wasn’t about to ruin their great day.  Sure, I went home that night and cried my eyes out in the shower, but wouldn’t we all?

I’ll admit, writing that second paper was such a struggle.  It was so hard to make myself go through the entire process again.  I cried more over that paper than the first one.

But you know what?  I got a 79 out of 80, and even after all of that, I still tied for the highest average in the class.

So what did I learn?  Research papers are dumb?  Eh, I would argue that, but I did learn some other valuable lessons. 

1)      The valedictorian isn’t immune to failure
2)      Sometimes your friends’ happiness is more important than your pity party
3)      Numbers are very important
4)      I don’t care to ever write another paper about Alfred Hitchcock or Hot Springs National Park (the topic of my second-chance paper)

This past spring I had to write my Senior research paper.  My binder with all my sources and drafts in it read on the front, “Third Time’s a Charm.”  I really just didn’t want to fail.  I checked that thing about 100 times to make sure every internal citation had both a word and a number.  Those stupid little numbers.  I checked everything religiously.  On the day I had to turn it in, I, along with the others who had failed the previous year, was so paranoid.

I got a 100.

Take that research papers.  I beat you.  At least that’s what we’re going to say.

“Thank you for failing me on my first research paper,” I said to my teacher during my valedictorian speech.  I had embraced it.  It has made for a good story.

At some point in your life, you're going to fail miserably.  Are you going to pout, or are you going to pick yourself up, smile, and eat your M & M’s?

Mo


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